Because of this you’ll never lay claim to the rebuttal: “Well, Woman I can’t read your mind!”
1. Don’t call me “Dez“. Really it’s just not appreciated. We’re on a more personal, formal, and intimate relationship plane here. Let’s keep it that way.
2. On a related note: Don’t opt to call me by my first name, not even jokingly. Yes, it is the genesis of my full birth name. It is, however not my reference name. Such name is my mothers reference name and it suits her just fine.
3. Don’t come in the kitchen while I’m cooking. No one gets away with this offense and you‘re no exception. You may be lookin; good, but I’m working here!…Okay, one kiss. Now get out.
4. Don’t leave your hair of any kind around the sink. Really, that’s just gross.
5. Don’t walk around the house with your shoes on. Not only does it track in unnecessary dirt, but it damages the carpet. And smooshed carpet is just unattractive.
6. Don’t mess with the volume knob on my car radio. Really, don’t even reach for it. That knob is set for a reason. If you have something to say and would like my full attention kindly address it with me. If I don’t seem to hear you take the big orange flag from the back seat and wave it in a circular fashion until I notice. Make sure you don’t wave it in an up and down position, though because I may mistake that for the sign “Hey, this music is awesome! Crank it up!”
7. Don’t bring your own music in my car with the assumption I will agree to let you play it. Ask me long before we get in the car. Normally I don’t like anything playing in my car that I have not personally suggested, but you might just be cute enough for me to bend this one time.
8. Don’t assume. Really, who appreciates this? If you have an issue, a question, a concern, a…misunderstanding…just bring it up with me. Let’s not make things more difficult, huh? Even if you don’t think I’ll listen it is your job to address your own issues. It is my job to listen.
9. Don’t shut me out when you don’t like what you’re hearing. Really, I mean I have opinions and feelings too. You know how many things you have possibly shared with me that I didn’t shut down even though I knew you were wrong? Open communication is key - not land-slide agreements.
10. Don’t give me honesty unless I ask for it. Me saying “Do you like this dress on me?” is NOT the same as saying “Tell me the truth - Do you like this dress on me?” If I want your honest opinion - trust me - I will flat out, straight up ask for it. No tricks here.
11. Don’t insult my cooking or really any house-hold chore where I display diligent effort. Really, this goes hand-in-hand with the honesty thing. You may be surprised to find that psychology is not always so varied from woman to woman, man to man. Don’t dis psychology.
12. Don’t look into any more or less than the words I am speaking to you. I pride myself in being very simple, to the point, careful, and fair with how I express my feelings or concerns. I understand ‘you’re a man‘ and how ‘something’s you’ll never understand about the complexity that is my gender,’ but trust me - I don’t play guessing games and you’ll rarely if ever hear me scream “If you really loved me you would just know!!” before slamming the door in your face like a dramatic made-for-tv-teen.
13. Don’t hang up on me. Really, what’re you, a man or a adolescent girl in grammar school? Let’s handle things like adults here.
14. Don’t replace communication with me or God with alcohol or any other kind of substance, legal or not due to a rough match or argument. It’s not becoming of anyone and shows a great lack in your God-given ability to deal with issues head-on great or small.
15. Related; Don’t mistake me for Jesus. Really, I know I’m awesome, but I should not be number 1 on your list of fulfillment. Believe me I can rock your world by God’s grant alone. But I am human. Don’t forget that.
16. Don’t casually spit in my presence. Really, it’s just uncouth.
17. Don’t disregard me as a traditional woman. Chivalry is dead to the jerks that kill it. Yes, I expect you to open that door, yes I will notice if you don’t pull out that chair, and indeed I will take note of every foul word from your mouth that you speak in my acknowledged hearing distance. And don’t worry about my end; I got this and I assure you won’t be disappointed ;)
19. Don’t be a know-it-all or competitor. Really, I can’t stand people like that and I’ll especially cringe if my guy always tries to one-up me. This isn’t a sporting event and obviously you’ve already won me over so who are you showing off for? Lighten up.
20. Don’t be a mooch. Okay so maybe you lost your job. It’ll be okay sweetie pie honey bun…Tonight I rub your shoulders and cook you a nice meal. Meanwhile you better get out that door tomorrow or the next day and get back to work. Life goes on; so should you.
21. Don’t confuse your being an ass for “honesty.” I know a lot of you guys wanna get away with saying certain things or not being coerced into saying certain things, but seriously; is it going to absolutely destroy the very core of your manliness by simply replying politely when I ask your conflicting opinion regarding something I care about? Sure, you may have a separate opinion. Don’t disregard mine with cool dismissal.
22. Don’t leave the toilet seat up. Seriously, this is a given with near to any woman. And it’s not that I lack the common sense to look before I sit therefore making myself victim to a toilet dive, but that it simply looks distasteful.
23. Don’t cling to me in the morning. Hooray for cuddling!, but mornings are tough for me and you’re not paint.
24. Whatacatch Meal (the sandwich), w/ all the vegetables (pickles, onions, lettuce, & tomato.), sweet tea. This isn’t a ‘Don’t’, I just thought I’d thrown it in here. Remember it.
25. Don’t get your boxers in a bunch; I like to wrestle and I get rough. Yea, sure like a puppy pulling on a big dogs ear I know you could take me down, but humor me here.
26. Don’t avoid my eyes. Dating, in a relationship, small talk, an argument, a deep conversation…whatever it may be don’t avoid looking into my eyes.
27. Don’t leave me in silent anticipation. It really does not feel good.
28. Don’t cause me to feel like I’m alone. Always remind me that you’re there, even if things between us are rough at the time.
And finally:
29. Life happens, tempers flare, disagreements come up, time-outs will be needed, understanding will at times lack, thoughts may become self-centered, there will be faults, and there will be down sides. But Don’t break my heart.
- Desiree' Magee
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