Likeness

My love interests have varied in personality traits, image, and behavior. What I mean to say is I apparently am not prone to a 'type' as in "he's not my type" as they all looked, dressed, acted, and spoke their feelings very differently from one another while baring little resemblence in any other area.�However; it seemed they all had one thing in common and that was their 'dark side' or issues as all if not most of us, I now assume, have.�

My first love�was a misfit inside and out with a troubled past and view on life. Since before our time has come I sought to love him unconditionally and make my allegiance to the God of love and�Who is love�evident in my plight in hopes I would persuade him to turn to Him.�Beneathe the "dark" exterior, however�beat a warm, loveable, and unguided�heart. He was very�bright and often indulged in such things as intellectually stimulating video games in attempts to naturally dominate, but more so to expand his own intellect and instinct as the bright young man he was.

My second love interest was older�and a�musician with quite a venue where very real obstacles and emotional backage were stored. He had a troubled heart in that his reality was twisted and misinterpreted�by his natural feelings that seemed to�drive him. Regardless I sought to show him love without holding back, always forgiving, always patient. He was�a toughtful and often unspoken�type yet he once told me he was cosidered by some to be 'popular' among his peers. He was, however, underneath it all an extremely sensitive and loveable soul,�needing to love and�be�loved,�and took note of�more than he often�let on. He simply craved a�sense of importance and to be encouraged to feel�that he mattered, that his feeings were weighed.

My 3rd love was not considerably older, but older also. At first it seemed he was the package deal. I even went as far as to tell my mother that I thought he was "the one." He was the "simple" kind of man, yet had deep emotions embedded in his actions and thoughts. His�at first gave off the sense of having a lighter�heart, but I came to find that his light heartedness was in reality an attempt to escape the darkness that lurked beneathe. He was the 'laid back' type who didn't care to dwell in emotions and in�deep thought which he seemed to desperately fight by indulging in such things as�alchohol, back-to-back movies or�TV in general,�and losing himself in whatever task he deemed fit at the time - especially in the work area. He was a completely different person at work than he was at play. Extremely. Regardless of the emotional depravities he seemed to seek not simply "love" but�companionshipa�and a sense that he was the pillar and wouldn't be abandoned. However; scars from the past seemed to put him in a position to lack trust in letting anyone get too close - in our relation's case, me.�

Tyler hugged me tonight :) It was cute ^_^ I gave him this weak half hug crap, because�while my mind was spinning�I also didn't want to give off...too much of an impression.�Unfortunately another day has passed when I have only been able to continue gathering tid�bits of information about the boy here and there in order to place them into the bigger picture.�And I am most impatient.��
I wonder what kind of soul he is. I can only assume he, like my other interests, is almost entirely different from them as he looks completely different from them. I wonder how he comunicates, what his demons are, how he deals with them, and how he handles life in general. Is he kind, is he patient? Does he know what to say and how to say it? But above all where does he place his trust and hope and if not does he have a shallow thought process and in truth does not really think himself and his situations through. So many questions and it's much too early to be asking them. But this is what I do. I find an interest - and I�desire to�learn more.

- Desiree' Magee