I'm doing it to myself again... I was talking to God a little bit ago about my issue, but there wasn't much said. Really I just wanted to sit in the silence and let Him feel my emotion...whatever that may be. It's a stupid emotion, filled with stupid thoughts and stupid "what ifs" just stupid, stupid thoughts that need to die, why can't I let them? How could I even think them after everything I went through and I felt so damaged and angry that I wanted to scream and go on a killing spree with only one life in mind to take. Why are human beings so attracted to abuse..? Why would I put my thoughts in the same place they were before; why would I want to be abused again? What the heck is wrong with me.. Still I wish I could go back - can you believe I actually am thinking of re-living it?!? What is wrong with me.. It wasn't even that great, but what an experience, it makes me feel fuzzy to go back in my head to re-live those thoughts I had back then and the memories I see in my heart while at work or at home or at Windsong... What is wrong with me...
- Desiree'
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